1 post tagged “doctor realove”

{inspired by Fave's discussion with Doctor REALove}

I am so happy and blessed that I'm married...I really am. This is a post I've been thinking about this since downloading and listening to his his "G&SeXtra: Grown Folks ONLY" show. What started off as a question from a young man asking about which direction he should allow his interracial relation to take because of the looks and reactions he's receiving from some Black women and how he feels that when he was single no Black woman in his area would "give him the time of day" spiraled into a heart to heart discussion between Fave and Doctor REALove. It hit home for me, not because of the fact that I have been in a interracial relationship (and not to say at one time or another I haven't tried, I guess I frightened women because of my height and weight, who knows) but what Fave said really hit home for me when it comes some of my sistas in the workplace and how many times they will not speak, make eye contact with many Black men.

Let me say this is not ALL of my beautiful black women but I'm not going to lie, I have witnessed it time and time again when it comes to myself in my workplace today. I am so glad I am not single in this day and time because God forbid if anything would happen to my beautiful queen I think I would go into the priesthood (and I'm not even Catholic). I'm at a age now where at one end of the spectrum it makes me angry and on the other end I can do nothing but laugh when it comes to my beautiful sistas not wanting to say "hello" when passing me in the hallway, not making eye contact, not smiling...I just do not get it. What has we as Black men done to you(Black women) to make you act as if you just spoke we would try and jump your bones right there on the job. I can see if you were walking down the street or if you were in a bad neighbourhood or in a club but you are in the workplace. I have come to a place in my life where now I deliberatly sometimes look and smile at my Black sistas to see if they will make eye contact and just speak and to be honest 8 out of 10 times they will not make any type of jester to speak.

Now I'm a realist and I know some of us brothas are knuckleheads, some of us will try and hump anything with a hole. I know some of us have turned out to be real dawgs and many times my brothas are little boys inside grown men bodies. We sometime want to blame every Black woman for our downfall and in many cases we need to look inwardly...we need to look in the mirror and have a serious conversation with ourselves and ask, "what can I do to make myself a better person, a better man, a better Black man?" I was brought up by a single mom and coming up I did not have not one girlfriend growing up...NOT ONE!!! I tried, believe me I did and time and time again I was shot down but as I grew older and I look back I wasn't really ready for the opposite sex. I know if I would have had my way I would have had upten babies and probably living with my mom sleeping in that same little bed with the poster of Tony Dorsett on the wall.

{that's a lie. I hated the Cowboys so it would have been a poster of Franco Harris on the wall...but anyhow...}

I know some of us Black men have left a bad taste in out Black women mouths but you can not throw out the baby with the bath water. We all are not lepers, we are all not "no-good bastards". Many of us may not the corporate jobs but we work hard, put up with nonsense in the white and blue collar workforce just like you do. What I really loved the conversation between Fave and Doctor REALove was how open and honest she was about having date a White man and how Fave was honest when he dated outside his race...about how he went through the same dilemma the young man was going through and I feel both of them. If a person wished to date outside their race because of "love" so be it but they have to realize what they will face for a lifetime.

All relationships are work...yes work! And to date outside your race that is another culture class because let's be honest dating the opposite sex in my book is "opposite" enough so imagine when you bring someone into your life that is of a different culture. I also feel what DoctorREALove said when saying when you date outside your race because you think one race is better than another that is a problem. That person really, in my opinion does not love themselves and need to take a long, hard look at themselves before bringing someone in their lives.

I think what hurts me when seeing this behavior with some Black women (I have to keep stressing that because I know it's not all of my beautiful sistas) is how cozy they are with White men and will walk right past and not even speak to a brother. I just turned 44 and to me it's like in some ways we are going backwards and not forward. Just last night a sista received a note on her desk...a young man left his number and ask her to "text him". Some of the things she said I understood...she said, "Whoever it was needs to say something face to face...I'm not into playing games." I nodded my head in agreement; but when my sista said, "and besides, I don't date dark men...only light complexion guys." That was a quick, horrific flashback for me circa 1970s and I'm hoping we are not going back to that day and time. Now, she has every right to date only light complextion brothas because as she puts it, "I've only gotten along with light dudes" but at the same time that kind of stings because I went through that coming up because I'm a brown complexion dude and to here that took me back to the days of seeing groups like Switch, The Debarges(wait...they are from the 80s right? anyhow...) I couldn't do anything but shake my head.

To my beautiful sistas out there, I just ask one thing of you...when you see a Brotha in the hallway of your workplace at least speak. I know you have had it hard, I know at times you have been treated badly but sometimes we as people have to be honest with ourselves and say with some of those "losers" I hooked up with, "Did I ignore the warning signs when dating this person?" One thing I know that I know in my 44 years on this earth, God has given women the "golden touch" when it comes to judgment but I'm afraid many times you are lead by your heart and not your head. If your inner voice (I don't care what anyone says, it's the Holy Spirit) is telling you that hey walk away from that person....DO IT!!! If a man, while you are dating insults you on purpose privately or in public...LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! It's not going to get better. If a man puts his hands on your ONCE...leave him alone. You cannot love someone if they do not love themselves.

Okay, that's my rant...I'm getting off my soapbox. I love you my sistas but as the one brother said in "Dairy of a Mad Black Woman" said, "Don't make me pay for the mistakes of how you were treated in past relationships" It's a drain on you and the person that is trying to treat you the way you needed to be treated...like a queen.

{if you have not listened to Fave's podcast it is a MUST!!! Thank you again Fave and DoctorREALove for this insight show}